Not TOP
By The CERNots

Don't stop breathing
it's necessary to go on living
so try not to forget.
Stay clear of the beam,
just play with your strings
but find out what they mean.

You should take coffee often,
like your boss.
Brush your teeth
use dental floss.
Do your work in your own ways,
not how your supervisor says.

Get some green plates for your car,
make leptoquarks by smashing q q-bar.
There's no such thing as magnetic monopoles.
Don't quench your quadrupoles.

Don't expect that you'll be hit
but wear a helmet when you're in the pit.
Be aware
don't you dare
break hardware.

Read your dosimeter monthly,
fit a spline.
Make it run in constant time.

Prove your theorems, 
prove yourself.
Don't let work affect your health.

Sing like you're mad.
Take some emergency bread.
Don't believe the standard model's right,
measure the neutron time-of-flight.

Higgs Boson's not God,
it's just really odd.
Dark matter is not very hot

At lunch every day
Spanish friends will come late.
Leave CERN if you're planning to get laid.

Read what you write,
add on another slide.
It's okay to be a nerd but don't expect to understand your work.

Don't expect you understand our work.
Don't expect to understand the world.

Don't expect to understand quantum field theory
Don't expect to understand Lie algebra
Don't expect to understand the Higgs mechanism
Don't expect to understand quantum gravity
...